The Fixer

L's and my version of Texts From Last Night (except they're from Wednesday morning and about Tuesday night):

Me: How's my man this morning?

L: I am great.  How's my sweet lady?

Me: Sleepy but okay. 2 concerns: 1) I can't find my blue topaz JA ring I always wear. Don't know if I put it somewhere bizarre @ home or lost it @ gym.  2) I went to

Me: find the box in the attic w/ the stockings & tree skirt last night & there's a potentially dead but MASSIVE jumping bug on top of the box & you won't be home to deal w/ it for another 8 days so that means I need to do it. My life is wretched.

L: Wow. That is a whole lot of drama to happen in 15 hours, especially since you slept for 8 of them.

L: Wretched was a funny word to use

Me: Well I'm glad it made YOU laugh. I know it's a little bit dramatic but it's appropriate. You know my fear of bugs. This is partly why we got married.

L: No, this is party why YOU got married. For me, this was a quirk that I (happily) accepted about my partner.

Me: I love you.

L: Funny. And I love you too.

I had a very ridiculous 24 hours between roughly 9 p.m. Tuesday and 9 p.m. Wednesday.  L and I got home from a week-long Texas Thanksgiving bender at 2:30 a.m. Saturday night/Sunday morning, which meant we slept as late as possible on Sunday, which meant we had less time for L to help me pull boxes of Christmas decorations out of our attic on Sunday night before he left to go to NYC for 2 weeks.  We didn't get to everything on Sunday night, but we did get The Tree down on Sunday and sort of put together.  (It only took 72 hours, but it's fully decorated now and fulfilling its annual Christmas Destiny.)  Monday night I dismantled The Tree (it was leaning) and then put half the ornaments on it and set up my Nativity scene.  Tuesday night, I finished putting the ornaments on it and then went back up into the attic to look for my box containing our stockings, tree skirt, and a couple of other random items I knew were missing.  And that's when I encountered one of the things I fear most in this world: a massive bug.  It clearly had jumping capabilities- it had those same legs that crickets and grasshoppers have that you look at and just KNOW that the bug they're attached to could jump once and get tangled in your hair as it attacks your face.  And it was sitting on top of the very box I needed.  Panic set in. 

See that Rue La La box?  The gross jumping bug was right on the top seam. 

At first, I was momentarily paralyzed with fear.  The bug wasn't moving, so I wanted to believe it was dead (or did I??  That would mean I'd be forced to deal with carcass removal... sick), but I have a history of thinking large, scary bugs are dead and then they magically come to life again when I try to move them or kill them.  I've learned my lesson there.  Those little sh!ts are sneaky.  So I took another box within arm's reach and gently slid it into the RLL box to see if the bug reacted.  Being the evil, deceitful bug it was, it didn't move.  So I bumped the box again, and then again... the bug sort of turned on its side, but not in a, "What the hell is going on here??" way... more like, "I'm riding on a bus and the old man sitting next to me just died and we took a turn and now he's leaning on me and I'm freaked out," kind of way.  L is my Fixer of all situations relating to bugs.  Since he wasn't home to Fix, I did what I do best in these situations (because you better believe there have been multiple, which I will share sometime soon): I pulled a Scarlett O'Hara and decided to forgo my desire for stockings at the moment and figure out how to handle the bug another day.

And somewhere in the midst of this, my blue topaz James Avery ring that I've worn pretty much every day for the past 11 years went missing.  No idea how.  This is a pic of the ring I pulled off the JA website:

Mine is the same, but the stone's a little more cloudy because I haven't cleaned it in a while.  I'd taken it off at work to put lotion on, but I knew I'd had it when I left the office.  I knew I'd had it at the gym because it was annoying me that I hadn't taken it off when I was using the weight machines, but I didn't remember consciously being aware of it on my hand when I left the gym.  I'd unpacked several boxes of Christmas decorations, I'd tried to pick up dinner from Corner Bakery (denied because their credit card machine was down)... I looked all over the house and couldn't find it.  I was thrilled. 

L fell asleep early on Tuesday night and therefore we did not talk before bedtime, so that's why he got the series of fun texts about the whole evening on Wednesday morning.  He thought it was hilarious!  I got home last night, resigned that I needed to deal with the bug but determined to do so.  OF COURSE when I went back up into the attic, the bug carcass was gone.  I didn't (and still don't) know if I should be excited and relieved about this or concerned... I'm glad I didn't have to deal with it, but that means that that bug is one hell of a faker OR that something ELSE that's BIGGER than the bug is up there and that IT took care of the bug.  This is not totally out of the realm of possibilities.  Our house was built in the 50s and we DID have a mouse incident in our kitchen last spring (it was immediately resolved- no further problems since).  I am doubtful that we have any extra roommates residing in the attic because I think we'd hear them, but who knows.  What the deuce eats big bugs that jump??? 
 
On a truly positive note, I found my ring with all the strings of Christmas lights I'd unpacked and left on the dining room table.  I don't remember taking it off but I guess I must have!  I think I'd feel it if the ring had just fallen off. 
 
 
Oh and by the way, if you're not doing Rue La La, you should be.  To join, click here.