Hurts Like Heaven

Growing up, I used to be really uncoordinated.  I would trip over anything and everything - if you knew me in junior high and high school, you know this is true.  The irony is that I took dance for about 15 years, but I actually blame ballet for my lack of coordination because I was taught not to look at the ground. 

Anyway, two and a half weeks ago, I left my house on a Saturday afternoon to go purchase a wedding gift for HSGL. I got home, parked my car in front of the house, and ascended the two steps to our front walkway.  Midway through the first step, I'm not sure what happened but I either rolled my right ankle and then it slipped out from under me or my right foot slipped and then my ankle rolled out from under me.  Either way, it wasn't pretty.  It was sort of slow motion but I couldn't stop myself - I had my iPhone in one hand and a huge Sprite in the other.  The Sprite was a lost cause - it went everywhere.  The phone was fine.  I, however, was not.  Seriously, this happened about 24 hours after I'd just been congratulating myself on not having tripped and fallen in long time.

Isn't it lovely?  My right ankle hurt so bad.  I had to stop and take a time out on the front lawn to breathe through the pain.  I really thought I'd broken my ankle or foot.  I realize the large, bloody scrape is probably what your eyes went to first in that pic, but if you look at the top of my right foot, you'll see another scrape with a bruise beginning to form underneath it.  When I go down, I go down hard.  Honestly, after I got over the initial shock and pain of the whole thing, my first thought was, DANG IT!  I'M SUPPOSED TO GET A SPRAY TAN ON TUESDAY.  My second thought was, This will look so good with bikinis and a cocktail dress next weekend. 

Now let's take a moment and focus on the size of the abrasion.  We didn't have enough Neosporin on hand at the house to cover it all so I had to call L and ask him to pick up more on his way home.  We also didn't have any Band-Aids big enough to cover it because it required a bandage with a 3"x3" surface area.  That means I sported my own bandages for about a week.  That involved a rotation of gauze and non-stick bandages adhered with medical tape.  Getting my pre-Mexico spray tan with one of those bandages was awesome.  Eventually, by Friday or so, I was able to get down to a 2"x3" bandage and then to the largest patch-style Band-Aids I could find.  My foot was definitely swollen for a solid two weeks.  Not hugely swollen so that I looked like a major gimp, but enough to where I had no ankle definition.  My first cankle:

So gross, right?  It looks like a man leg, except less hairy.  I see that pic and I just think porky.  I'm so glad I was born with a defined ankle.  (I know, my life would be so hard if I didn't have defined ankle bones.  Cankles are the worst.)  L will confirm for you that I was incredibly distressed each night in Mexico about the state of my ever-worsening cankle situation.  In retrospect, I wish I had taken a picture of my cankle ankle and my regular ankle side by side so that you could see how ridiculous the cankle looked, but at the time, I was so distraught by the difference that I couldn't do it.  Clearly something is wrong with my ankle, but at this point, I don't know that it's really worth it to go see a doctor.  If something is broken, well, I've gone two weeks and walked roughly half a mile (twice) through thick sand in Mexico on the foot (although I might add that those treks were not easily made) and I've lived through it.  I'm not sure that anything can really be done at this point. 

The stupidest part of this whole thing is that I had to go buy my first two pairs of flats (because I don't have any - not a flattering shoe for a large-footed lady) because of this. I tried wearing my normal heels to work the following Monday after the fall (which was on a Saturday), but the pain in my ankle was excruciating so I left at lunch to go limp around and find something easier to walk in.  Thank goodness DSW is a block away from my office.  Consensus: the flats were absolutely necessary but I still feel like a 10 year old wearing them and I also don't think that they're very flattering on my feet.  Maybe I would feel more like an adult if they were Tory Burch, but $200 shoes that I don't want all that much in the first place are not in the budget at the moment.  If I was sure I'd broken my ankle, then maybe I could have convinced myself that it would be worth it, but in the moment, I just figured my ankle would go back to normal in a few days and then I'd be left with expensive shoes that I probably wouldn't wear again.

As it stands, I tried wearing heels on Monday for the first time since the accident and I couldn't make it through the day.   So now I'm revamping my wardrobe because all but about one pair of my pants are too long for flats.  Fun stuff, right?